I changed my mind. My mouth guard totally sucks, and I’m breaking up with it.
When I first put it on, I thought it was great. It was so snug! It felt like a really well-fitting sportsbra… but for my teeth. I went to bed happy as a clam, but woke up feeling like I had been curbstomped. Okay, maybe it didn’t hurt that bad, but my mouth sure didn’t feel good. I imagine it’s the same feeling that people get when first getting braces or a new ‘tainer… like little mouth elves had been running around all night, pushing/pulling/rearranging my teeth.
So since I’m an “I need answers” type o’ gal, I made an appointment with Dr. Google.
He told me that my bite is stronger than it should be and the guard’s job is to reset the way my jaw thinks. The guard is there to show my jaw it doesn’t need to be clamped shut so tightly and this way, when I don’t have it in, muscle memory will know that my mouth is closed enough. Until then, my jaw will still want to close all the way and will overcompensate for the guard. That’s what’s causing the pain. Easy peasy, jaw bone squeezy. I’ll just have to be patient and hope that my mouth adapts sooner than later.
In conclusion, I’m not going to dump my guard just yet. I’m going to give it another chance, maybe even do a little
couples physical therapy. Wish me luck!
I’ve always been pretty lucky when it comes to my teeth. I never had to wear braces and nothing major has ever gone wrong. (Humble brag alert: I was in the “No Cavity Club” until I reached double digits. Whoop whoop!) Annnyway. I’ve had a cavity filled before so I know what it feels like to need one done, and a few weeks ago one of my teeth started acting up when I would eat sweets. Which, you know, I do about a thousand times daily, so that sugary shit wasn’t going to fly.
The team has a really great dentist, so he told me to come right in. It was fixed before I could say “my mouf feel funny.” But then he told me that the cavity he had just filled was quite small and was likely not the cause of the pain. Instead, he suggested it was a crack in the same tooth that had developed from grinding my teeth at night. In his very best English, he explained that it was from “when things are not so good during the day and you…. *mashes his teeth together dramatically*….at night. You know?” YES! I do know! I totally get it. It’s from the major stresses of being a stay-at-home girlfriend all day every day. I just can’t take the pressure.
Okay stop. Rewind. I have no pressures. My job consists of doing the laundry (ha!) and keeping the house picked up (ha HA!) and occasionally going to a hockey game or baby shower. What the Sam Hill stresses me out so much that I’ve broken my tooth? And then I remembered. I stress about everything. I stress about grocery shopping and falling down the stairs and stepping on crumbs. No wonder my mouth is under fire. Maybe I should just chill out. Or mayyyyybe I should just wear my new mouth guard!!!!!!
Eeeeeeeek!! I type this with a giant mouth guard smile plastered on my face. I HAVE A MOUTH GUARD PEOPLE, HELLMUTHAFUCKINYEAHHHHHH!
Why am I so excited? I actually don’t know. I just am. Maybe it’s because now I can eat all the sugary/sticky treats I want and my mouth won’t hurt (I knoooowww this isn’t going to reverse the problem, but a girl can dream). Maybe it’s because I felt left out as a child who never got a retainer. Maybe ith becauth I get to thpeak with a lithp now.
If you haven’t put two and two together by now, the dentist suggested I wear a mouth guard at night to protect my pearly whites from getting worse. So of course I agreed. I even told him that I might wear it during the day. He said that wouldn’t be necessary. Actually, he warned me that my new accessory “isn’t sexy” so I should put it in when nobody will be looking at me. Thankth a lot, Dr. Werner.
So the next time you see me, don’t be surprised if I’m talking all lisp-y. I’ve probably got my guard in.
Vampires. Straws. Leeches. Black holes. Vacuum cleaners. My blog maintenance.
Wondering what these things have in common? Let me help you along. They all suck.
I’ve been a neglectful blogger lately, and I’ve left you–my loyal readers–hanging. I think it’s because I’ve been waiting for something monumental to happen before I post. But lucky for you I’ve decided it’s time to stop waiting and start writing. Don’t go expecting this to be anything amazing. No Shakespearean lit here, but hopefully I can at least keep you entertained for a minute or five.
Well, here goes. I call it “A Completely Random Compilation: Thoughts/Anxieties/Delights/Updates.”
- I am so beyond-words-excited to be going home (it’s down to only three weeks now!!) I am excited for so many things I can’t even list them. What? Try anyway? Okay. Family, friends, my dog, Target, TJMaxx, big roads, a language I understand, the good ol’ USD, Kraft mac n cheese, rubber bands, brown sugar, and friendly Midwestern strangers…. to name a few.
- For those of you who have not been keeping up with the team’s games, they have made it past the first two rounds of play-offs. Yahoo! Their first finals game is tomorrow night against KAC (sound it out… hehe). AKA Klagenfurt. AKA the city where Mike was born. And where his dad played for many-a-year. What I’m trying to say here is that these next few games are major-league for the Lebler family. The big cheese, if you will. Shit’s getting personal. Okaynotreally. Actually, I think I’m the only one that cares/thinks this is a big deal. Hmmm. Much ado about nothing? Maybe this will turn into a sonnet.
- I love the weather we’ve been having lately. Love love love. Shakespeare in love. It has been so beautiful and sunny that I’ve been forcing Mike to go on walks with me daily. We even made a little picnic the other day. Enjoyed it on the side of an Austrian hill. It was very Sound of Music. (Sorry for spilling the mushy beans, Mike).
- Speaking of spring-y weather, we did a bit of spring cleaning the other day. It all started after I stepped barefoot on a crumb. For the 9,485,073,825,904th time this year. Cue freakout. We have wood floors in our place, but I’ve only ever lived in carpeted houses, so the visible/palpable dust bunnies, sand, and other various particles that accumulate on the floor are new to me. I’m no clean freak but this was the last straw. I had JUST vacuumed. I swear I could lick the whole apartment clean and (while on my way to throw it all up) still get SOMETHING stuck to my feet. Back to the point. Mike did the bathrooms (bless his heart) while I vacuumed and re-vacuumed the apartment. I think I spent an hour and a half doing the floors. If I had stepped on so much as a grain of sugar after that ordeal, I think I literally would have gone mad. Okay I would have gone madder.
- Mike knows little to nothing about girls/beauty and I think it’s funny. He calls backcombing my hair “pricking” and he calls my bangs a “pigtail.” Really? Can you tell he was raised in a family of all boys? Okay, maybe that’s not funny to anyone else but me. In that case, I’m sorry. I hate inside joke tellers. Or maybe that was a mommy move. (“My Billy does the CUTEST things!”) Ahh! In which case, that is so much worse. Since you know, he’s my boyfriend, not my son. Maybe I’m just digging myself into a weird incestual hole. ON TO NUMBER SIX!
- Hearing and seeing things get sucked up the vacuum hose is SO rewarding. Is that strange? Please tell me somebody else out there needs/loves instant gratification as much as I do.
- Remember my friends, Jana and Zip? Well, Zip squeezed her little dude out so I could meet him before I took off (yes, that’s why she birthed him when she did), but I haven’t seen him since. The little bugger is already five months old! I can’t wait to see how much he’s grown. And Jana? Her wedding is coming up really soon. I am super excited for the big bash! Oh, and I’m pumped to get her invitation too… I heard some supersweet designer made them.
- We bought a wooden wind chime yesterday and it sounds just LOVELY.
- I want a dog. (Still).
- I will be home in three weeks!! I knowwwwwww I already mentioned it. But I am so excited to come home and see everyone. It deserved two mentions.
Okay, that was a lot of random shiz. Thanks for bearing with me.